Media Centre > Media Commentary > About time for equal marriage
About time for equal marriage
by Yves Savoie (FSA EXecutive Director, Aug. 2003-Dec. 2006), January 26, 2005
Over the past week, I have read with great frustration but no surprise the open letters to Prime Minister Paul Martin from the Roman Catholic Archbishops of Calgary, Toronto and Montreal. Opposition to equal marriage from senior figures within the Catholic Church has come to be expected, but the justifications put forth by these gentlemen to sway public opinion remain fundamentally flawed.
Aloysius Cardinal Ambrozic, the Archbishop of Toronto, calls for public debate on the issue, oblivious to the fact the debate has been both vigorous and extensive. In fact, it was already well framed at the time of the last Federal election. The Liberals made it abundantly clear at that time that they would move to legislate same-sex marriage pending the Supreme Court’s hearing of the reference on the matter.
Are the force of an electoral mandate and the clear findings of the Supreme Court not enough to convince His Eminence that time has come to enshrine into law the right to marry for gays and lesbians? The reluctance to see those rights protected under law is all the more difficult to grasp in light of the fact that the Prime Minister has repeatedly made clear the Government’s intent to protect religious freedoms by allowing religious groups to choose or not to bless same-sex unions.
Contrary to assertions by each of the Catholic leaders, equal marriage does not represent an altering of social structures. The reality is it simply gives long overdue recognition to caring, loving and lasting relationships between adults of the same sex. In many instances, same-sex marriages provide opportunity to celebrate a long-established relationship while affirming a commitment for the future. Opponents conveniently forget that the foundation of marriage is love, and love is not the exclusive domain of one religion or segment of the population.
The desire by adults to have mature, stable, loving relationships and to have these relationships recognized and acknowledged is a fundamental human yearning. The social reality of such relationships among adults of the same sex is commonplace. Statistics Canada’s most recent census revealed that 34,200 same-sex couples are living together in this country. And, this reality is not new; good friends of mine tied the knot this past summer and used the occasion to mark 35 years of committed and loving existence together.
Many gay couples, including my partner and I, have enjoyed long-term supportive and nurturing relationships, despite societal prejudices that have challenged us to express our commitment to each other, until recently, in different ways. Opponents try to characterize equal marriage as a threat to or erosion of the institution of marriage. I suggest that it is an homage to marriage; not a denigration of it.
Our agency, Family Service Association of Toronto (FSA), is devoted to strengthening families and individuals in just and supportive communities. Each year, we provide counselling services to more than 13,000 individuals and families in the city. Our downtown office at 355 Church Street was previously home to the Catholic Archdiocese of Toronto. Yet, from this vantage point, our view of the family, its resilience and strength is remarkably different from that of Cardinal Ambrozic.
He and his counterparts have urged the Prime Minister to consider the well-being of children and the sanctity of the family as a fundamental social institution. While I wholeheartedly agree that families are the cornerstone of society, the notion that this would change under new equal marriage legislation simply has no basis in truth. Equal marriage is part of a natural evolution of the social structure that we collectively call Family. It simply reflects the reality of many nurturing households today.
Cardinal Ambrozic asks if it is fair to put children in the position of having to reconcile the beliefs of their parents with a state-sponsored understanding of marriage. Marc Cardinal Ouellet, Archbishop of Montreal, laments that equal marriage will ‘hurt and confuse’ children. To both gentlemen, I counter: is it fair for these same children to have to reconcile the unequal treatment of their friends’ families with a Canadian society that expounds values founded in fairness and equality? And is it not hurtful to children of same-sex parents to have their families derided and invalidated?
FSA Toronto’s Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) Parenting Network is a daily reminder to our staff that LGBT-led families are just as stable and supportive as other families. In fact, a comprehensive literature review published in the The Family Journal: Counseling Therapy for Couples and Families (January 2005) reveals that children of LGBT-led families are as psychologically healthy as children from heterosexual families.
Children benefit from stable home environments led by nurturing, loving and encouraging individuals, regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of those involved. Children’s well-being is not served when a single, formulaic mother-father-child construct—one with which almost half of Canadian families today do not identify—is imposed on them.
The Cardinals’ fears about the risk to families are misdirected. Divorce and family violence, not equal marriage, pose the biggest threat to marriage and families. Witnessing abuse or high-conflict divorce can have seriously damaging effects on children, as our agency’s family counsellors have repeatedly witnessed. While same-sex couples also experience abuse in the context of intimate relationships and separation, our focus should not be on denying them the opportunity to marry, but on creating communities that support all marital unions and family structures.
Cardinal Ouellet posits with great hyperbole that the bill “threatens to unleash nothing less than a cultural upheaval whose negative consequences are still impossible to predict.” This couldn’t be further from the truth. Equal marriage is not the Pandora’s box its opponents would have us believe. Proof of this can be seen in Ontario, B.C., Yukon and any of the seven provinces and one territory where equal marriage has been a reality since 2002. Almost 70 per cent of the country’s population resides in these areas, and no devastating impact has materialized.
Equal marriage is an issue of fundamental human rights, as embedded in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. To prolong this debate by citing the sanctity of families is an injustice to the very bonds on which families are built. It is time that same-sex couples and the children of these families received the public support they deserve.
I applaud the Prime Minister and the myriad MPs who will be supporting this legislation in February. It is a long-overdue step toward true equality and strengthening the fabric of Canadian families.
