Good decision for everyone
When children are loved in a nurturing environment, it benefits us all, says Kelley Myers
Article published in Toronto Star, January 9, 2006
There has been a fair amount of doomsaying over the last few days in response to the Ontario Court of Appeal decision in the "three parent" case. The court granted a non-biological lesbian mother legal parental status of her child without terminating the legal parentage of the child's biological mother or that of the biological father, who is a friend of the mothers and is active in the child's life. This child has always had three parents as a matter of fact. Now, he also has three parents as a matter of law.
Organizations that claim to defend family values have stepped forward to decry the decision. This, despite the fact that by all accounts the child is being loved and nurtured by each of these adults. His is an enviable situation in a province where children's aid societies receive 160,000 calls each year reporting child abuse and neglect, and approximately 9,000 children are under permanent care of the Crown.
This decision is clearly a victory for this family, but it should also be seen as a victory for everyone who believes that strong families build strong communities. Legally recognizing this woman as the child's mother will enable her to completely fulfill the parenting responsibilities she and her partner welcomed when they chose to have a child together. Prior to the court's decision, she could be denied parental activities such as registering her son for school, obtaining legal documents or, in more unfortunate circumstances, admitting him to a hospital and being afforded family visitation rights. From the child's perspective, with legal recognition of his family, he can eventually arrange for his parents' care or be a beneficiary of his parents' estates without being challenged.
Organizations that have spoken out against this ruling claim that the very foundation of family is in danger when children are not raised by their biological father and mother. Notwithstanding the fact that this child is cared for by both biological parents and that the non-biological mother's court appeal was launched precisely in order to preserve those important relationships, the foundation of the family does not lie solely in biology. That is the foundation for life. The foundation for family also lies in love, nurturing and commitment.
Our agency, Family Service Association of Toronto, has developed considerable expertise in the areas of family health and function through almost 100 years of working with them. Family violence and divorce pose the biggest threat to families. Supporting families in which children are loved and nurtured in a stable, respectful environment threatens no one and benefits us all.
The narrow definition of family expressed by certain groups does little to support real families or the best interests of children. It creates a dynamic of "belonging versus exclusion" that is hurtful to children by denying the legitimacy of families that fall outside the narrow definition. It dishonours many productive, supportive and loving families and does an injustice to the importance of family as a cornerstone of society.
Several recent articles have cited that such a decision will complicate divorce or separation proceedings. Even under the most harmonious of circumstances, family separation is difficult for parents and children. Family laws are intended to provide a clear framework for the fair allocation of custody and possessions among those involved. This decision clarifies matters in the event of family breakdown defining the rights of the members of the family.
Opponents have also decried that this decision opens the floodgates for four, six or more people to be named parents to a child. It does no such thing. While it sets a precedent to recognize other families that may be in the same situation, the law still requires each of these cases to be reviewed individually by a family court judge. In each case, the person applying for a declaration of parentage must prove that a true parent-child relationship exists and, most important, that granting the application is in the best interest of the child. That is a goal we can all agree on.
The laws that pertain to families should serve the best interests of children by reflecting the realities of families today. Just as the term "legitimate" and "illegitimate" no longer apply to children under Ontario law, this decision moves us a step closer to recognizing the diversity inherent in Canadian families.
Kelley Myers is Interim Executive Director of Family Service Association of Toronto.
