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Issues you may be facing
How to communicate more effectively
with your kids | Preventing and limiting conflict
with your children | When you're seeing red - Guidelines
to help you cope | How to find more quality time
with your kids
How to communicate more effectively with your kids
Being able to communicate effectively yourself
is one of the most important factors in having a good relationship with your
children. Good
communication, which involves both listening and talking, not only keeps the
doors open between you and your child, it encourages them to let you into their
world.
The following is a list of exercises that you can try at home to help you and
your children communicate more effectively:
- When you are having a conversation
with your children, listen with full attentiveness. Make
direct eye contact and face them directly with your body. This
lets them know that you are interested and listening.
- When you are speaking with your child,
use words that are non-judgmental. This will encourage them
to open up to you. Make sure, when doing this that you try not
to interrupt them or offer your opinion.
- Use gentle, probing questions to
learn what your child is thinking and feeling, e.g. "What
was that like for you?", "How did that feel?", "What
was the best part of your day today?" or "How
did you figure that out?"
- Reflect the feeling content of your
child's message back to your child so they feel understood,
e.g. "You seem frustrated." or "Sounds
like you're angry (hurt, disappointed, upset, etc.)"
- Show mutual respect by accepting
your child's feelings and ideas and by using an attitude that is
non-judgmental, e.g. "Sounds like that
was pretty scary - tell me more."
- Reassure your child with empathy
by seeing the world through their eyes, e.g. "I'm
sorry you had such a bad day." or "How
exciting for you that you were chosen Group Leader."
- Talk with your child about common
interests like fishing, cycling, TV programs, games, food,
holidays, family members and friends.
- Use "I" messages. "I" messages
are blame-free messages about your positive feelings and about what
bothers you, e.g. "I feel pleased when you are so helpful." or "I'm
upset that you came home late without calling."
- Find something genuinely positive
to say to your child as often as possible, e.g. "I like
the way you …", "You've really worked hard on …." or "You
have a good sense of humour (a gentle way of playing with the cat,
a nice way of sharing with your sister)."
- Consider appropriate timing for important
conversations with your child when you are not rushed, calm
and not distracted by other pressures.
- Avoid using negative labels, sarcasm or words that ridicule.
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
