Issues you may be facing

When you're seeing red - guidelines to help you cope

It's not uncommon for parents to reach points where they become extremely frustrated and upset with their child or children.

The following are a few ways to help you keep your cool when you're "seeing red:"

Avoid acting in the heat of the moment. Tell your child you're feeling angry, frustrated and upset and that you need to take a break from the conflict to calm yourself down. Then do it!
When you are taking a break from the conflict: physically turn away and if you need to, remove yourself to another room, or activity. Always make sure that you tell your children what you are doing and why. Use relaxing, calming thoughts that help you cope. Start by thinking something like "Relax now, you can manage this" or, "It's time to calm down.", etc. and switch your attention to your breathing. Take natural deep breaths - breathe in and out to release your tension.
Have your child take a "time-out", in which he or she can practice self-calming.
Sometimes, instead of a time-out a child may need a "time-in", which is special time alone with a parent sitting quietly together.
Consider the following as a model for fair fighting: explain to your children that although it's ok to get mad, what we do in angry moments can be a problem. Look for ways to show your child examples of good conflict resolution including how to express concerns and feelings calmly without yelling, and how to negotiate and find a solution. Encourage kids to think for themselves and work out their own conflicts.
Be patient - change does not happen overnight. Small steps in a positive direction are what count.

To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618