Programs & Services > Counselling > Relationships > Issues you may be facing
Issues you may be facing
Dealing with conflict with a partner | Finding
more time to be with your partner | How
to keep your sexual relationship alive | Dealing with separation and divorce
How to keep your sexual relationship alive
Many couples find that after 5, 10 and 15 years of marriage they just don't seem to be having the same "sexy feelings" that they used to when they were dating or when they were first married. Often couples find that one partner wants sex more than the other.
Even healthy and successful relationships go through periods where sexual activity is not what it once was. Caring couples address this issue together and try to prevent awkward feelings from building up. Many sexual problems in relationships are not medically based but have to do with stress, communication and trust issues.
If you think there may be a medical issue, arrange to discuss it with your doctor. Doctors are trained to discuss such matters comfortably. If you don't feel comfortable discussing it with the doctor you have now, consider trying a different doctor.
Sex is a sensitive topic for many of us because most of us were raised to view it as a topic people don't talk about openly. Despite this, sex is an important part of most marital relationships and it requires communication to keep it enjoyable.
If you feel comfortable enough taking the
initiative of bringing up the subject with your partner, here are a
few things you might try:
- Pick a relaxed time when you have some privacy and time to talk.
- Find out how your partner has been feeling about the subject.
- Try not to open the discussion with a complaint. Most people are
very sensitive about their sexual life and their sexual performance.
- If it feels tense and awkward to discuss sex, be
honest with your partner and say you find this difficult but you care a lot about
the relationship and you want to help make your sexual relationship
more rewarding.
- Share thoughts about what might be happening. For example, have
you both been tired and over committed with work or family? Are you
both in good health?
- Try to do whatever it takes to get some private
time together, time when you are not both exhausted. A weekend away is ideal but
having someone take the children for a night is great too.
- Discuss reconnecting with your partner on
a romantic level with
less physical emphasis.
- Try and be more open with each other about what feels good and try to say more about what you like and less about what you don't like.
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
