Programs & Services > Counselling > Adult survivors of sexual abuse >Issues you may be facing
Issues you may be facing
Remembering a traumatic childhood event
When first remembering a traumatic event it is common for survivors to experience flashbacks. Flashbacks are intense recollections of the event, in which the person feels flooded by feelings and images so real, it seems like the event is happening right now. Sounds, sights or smells of the event may feel present. You may also be experiencing some of the following: nightmares or bad dreams, high anxiety, changes in your sleeping or eating patterns, difficulty concentrating; trouble with memory, extreme shifts in moods and emotions, sadness and depression, suicidal thoughts, difficulty with intimacy, as well as with trust in relationships. You may be feeling more than your share of anger, shame, or guilt, and lowered self-confidence.
If you are experiencing flashbacks or any of the
symptoms listed above, it's important to know that any and all of these
reactions are normal, given what you are going through. Also know that
with the right kind of help, these symptoms will gradually become more
manageable before they subside. There are a number of things that you
can do, on your own, to deal with these feelings. There are also many
people and resources in your community that can support you through
this time.
- How to help yourself through a series of flashbacks
- How to talk about a traumatic childhood event
- Managing your anger
How to help yourself through a series of flashbacks
If you are
experiencing flashbacks, you are probably feeling like you have been
thrown back into a past time and another place. You may also be feeling
like you are the age you were at the time the trauma occurred. If this is so,
you may be feeling all of the sensations and emotions you felt at that time.
Fear and terror are often a part of a
flashback, particularly
since it is usually very difficult to stop a flashback once it's started. In
order to manage a flashback, you must find a way to reconnect to a safer place
in the present.
The next time a flashback begins, if you can remember,
or someone else can remind you, try the following grounding exercise as
recommended by Yvonne Dolan:
- find a safe, comfortable spot
- take a few deep, slow breaths
- look around and name five things you see, five things you hear
and five things you physically feel
- then go back and name four things you see, four things you hear,
and four things you physically feel
- then three, two, and one
- if the memories still continue, start at the beginning with five, then four, etc. until the flashback subsides
How to talk about a traumatic childhood event
Although there is benefit to talking to others about your feelings and memories, it's important to make sure that you're ready. Ideally, when you first tell someone, you should get all of the support that you need.
If you decide to disclose, only do so with someone you feel safe with and who you are sure is understanding. If there is no such person in your life at this time, seek out a counsellor who will provide a safe place for you to talk about your feelings and help you prepare to disclose to other people in your life now or in the future, as you see fit. Consider speaking with a counsellor who is trained to help people, like you, work through their situations and move on with their lives.
Managing your anger
People who have lived through the trauma of abuse often have stores of anger and hurt, which belong to a past time. They also may have lived around people who could not control their own anger, but used it against others weaker than themselves. The combination frequently makes one afraid of one's own intense anger. Consequently, many people try to suppress their anger about current situations.
The anger accumulates and at some point seems to explode unexpectedly. Such uncontrolled anger can be frightening and intimidating to others. It can damage relationships. For other people the anger remains silent, or gets expressed indirectly.
Ask others for feedback on whether or not you appear angry
Because so many trauma survivors are afraid of their own anger, there may be a discrepancy between how they feel, how they behave, and how they think they behave. Start by asking others for feedback.
- Do those around you see you as angry or quiet?
- Do they know when you're angry?
- Are they afraid of you?
Some people find that they have to find ways of letting others know that they are angry. Others need to learn how to express their anger more directly to the person who is provoking their anger; still others need to learn to control the way they express their anger.
Monitoring whether your angry feelings fit the event
Although the intense anger seems to be provoked by a person or an incident in your current life, you may at times wonder, if its intensity fits the event. If it feels exaggerated to you, the present anger has probably attached itself to angry feelings about a similar event from your past. These feelings belong to another time, another place and another person.
Try to observe the signs of the rising anger. If
you can, try to leave the situation, find a private space, and ask
yourself what the anger is about:
Does the incident remind you of an incident from
the past that made you angry?
Can you separate the two?
If yes, promise
yourself to deal with the old anger as soon as you have a chance and then go back to focusing on your current situation. Ask yourself
how you want to handle it. Make a decision.
Consider talking to a counsellor about your feelings
If your anger continues to feel unmanageable, consider seeing a counsellor, either individually or in a group. This will give you an opportunity to express your anger, from both the past and the present and help you learn clear, simple techniques to feel in control of your emotions.
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
