Programs & Services > David Kelley Services > Lesbian & Gay Community Counselling > Working to improve self-esteem
Issues you may be facing
Working to improve self-esteem
Good self-esteem is feeling confident and good about yourself on a regular basis. As a member of the LGBTQ community, it may be hard for you to feel self-confident and good about yourself because of negative messages from society about gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans identities.
Homophobia is the irrational fear and hatred of lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. Transphobia is the irrational fear and hatred of transgendered and transsexual people. Both can be highly destructive to your sense of well-being in the world.
Believing some or all of the negative societal messages (internalized homo/bi/transphobia) can make you feel that you are bad, sick, crazy, or perverted.The experience of being a member of the LGBTQ community usually means hiding your identity from many people out of fear others will reject you or harm you. This fear is well founded as many LGBTQ people have been, and still are, the target of hostility and violence solely because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.
Other aspects of your identity – age, religion, race, cultural or ethnic identity – may mean that you face other forms of discrimination that affect your decision to come out to people about your sexual orientation or gender identity, as all forms of discrimination lead to negative feelings about ourselves. Although this response is understandable, it is also true that secrecy takes a toll and interferes with developing close bonds with others, such as family members, friends, co-workers, other students and neighbours.
It is difficult to feel good about yourself while at the same time denying or hiding your existence from others. As a member of the LGBTQ community, you have the right to feel proud about your sexual orientation and/or gender identity. It is as important as feeling proud about other aspects of yourself, such as your sense of purpose in life, loyalty to others, compassion, humour, achievements, and so on. If you have trouble feeling good about those aspects of yourself, it will be important to sort out where those feelings are coming from.
Those reasons can be quite varied. For instance, it may be related to a much earlier time in your life and how supportive and nurturing your family was toward you. You may not feel accomplished in terms of your work, career and your ability to make friends. You may struggle with issues such as depression or anxiety. You may have experienced earlier trauma, which makes you feel uneasy or uncomfortable getting close to others. These will be important for you to sort out in order to understand whether what you are feeling is a result of homophobia, transphobia or other issues. Understanding and liking yourself is in many ways a lifelong journey.
Issues you may be facing:
- Ten Tips to Help Gay and Bi Men Make Better Choices About Dating and Relationships
- Telling your family that you're gay
- Working to improve self-esteem
- Learning how to communicate effectively with
your partner
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
