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Issues you may be facing
Is your partner verbally, financially, emotionally, physically and/or sexually abusing you? | How to be safer when your partner abuses you or threatens your life | What to do after you've left an abusive relationship
What to do when your partner abuses you or threatens your life
Ongoing physical, verbal and emotional abuse can be terrifying, especially when your life is being threatened. Many women, who live in abusive situations, often feel a variety of mixed emotions including guilt and self-blame.
Many also think that if they act differently around the person abusing them, the abuse may stop. What's important to remember is that it's only the person responsible for the hurtful behaviour who can stop the abuse. They are responsible for their behaviour. It's never your fault.
One of the many abusive tactics used against women is threatening their life if they go to the police or if they leave. If this has happened to you, it's no doubt that you feel terrified and afraid, however it is also important to listen to your fear, as it may be a signal that you may be in danger of being seriously hurt.
Protect Yourself With a Safety Plan
In your situation, it's important to have a Safety Plan in place to increase your safety. Here is a list of tips that you can follow to put together your own Safety Plan:
- Call the Police if You Feel Threatened
- In Case of Danger, Decide Where to Go Ahead of Time
- Be Aware of Any Weapons in the House
- Set Aside Money for Yourself in Case You Have to Leave
- Teaching Your Kids How to Contact the Police in an Emergency
- Have a Packed Bag Ready
- It's Important to Never Lose Hope
- If You Decide to Escape from an Abusive Relationship
Call
the Police if You Feel Threatened
- Any threats that are made against you need to be taken
seriously. If you believe you are in danger it is important
that you call the police.
- When you call the police, try to speak to them privately
and tell them exactly what happened. In an emergency situation,
police are required to restore order by calming down the
situation, determine if there is a need for medical attention
and conduct a thorough investigation.
- Everyone involved in the incident will be spoken to separately.
Officers are obligated to arrest or lay charges against the
abuser when reasonable grounds exist (i.e. that an offence
has been committed).
- If the abusive partner has left the scene, then an attempt
will be made to search for the individual.
- Officers are also required to assess whether you are feeling safe and provide appropriate resources.
In Case of
Danger, Decide Where to Go Ahead of Time
- Decide where you will go and what you will do if you are in danger.
- Plan your emergency exits and know them well. Identify
which doors, windows, elevators, stairs or other escape routes
would be best to take.
- If you have a car, try to keep it in good repair and fuelled
at all times so that it won't fail you.
- If you can, take the children with you when you leave.
Be
Aware of Any Weapons in the House
- Know where any weapons in the house are stored. Weapons
can include kitchen knives, guns, hammers, other tools, and
any heavy objects.
Set
Aside Money for Yourself in Case You Have to Leave
- Open a bank account in your own name.
- Ensure that bank statements and any other documents are
not mailed to you.
- Save as much money as you can and identify who would lend
you some money if needed.
- Always keep some money hidden, in your house, in case you
need to leave quickly.
Teaching
Your Kids How to Contact the Police in an Emergency
- If you have children, teach them how to call the police
when you are being assaulted, and have practice sessions
with them.
- Make up a code word to use with your children so that they
can alert someone that you trust that you are in danger and
you need the police.
Have
a Packed Bag Ready
- Have a packed bag ready and keep it in a secret but accessible
place in case you need to leave quickly.
- Important things to take with you if you have to escape
quickly include:
- extra clothing for both you and your children
- emergency phone numbers (e.g. police, women's shelters,
women's helplines, distress lines, social assistance, friends
and relatives you can trust)
- extra car and house keys
- passports
- birth certificates
- marriage certificate
- immigration documents
- Ontario Health Card
- social insurance card
- wallet
- bankbook
- charge cards
- prescriptions and other medicines
- toys and other items you usually need to care for your
child/children
It's
Important to Never Lose Hope
- Although your situation may be difficult and you may feel
that there is no way out, it is important that you never
loose hope.
- Always remember that you are not alone and there are people
who care that can support you.
- It's also important to remember the most dangerous time
is when you leave.
- Review your safety plan on a regular basis.
- Talk to someone who you trust and can support you.
If you Decide to Escape from an Abusive Relationship
- It takes a lot of courage to make the decision to escape
an abusive relationship and move forward with your life.
For many women it takes a very long time, even years to make
the decision to leave.
- Leaving an abusive relationship means a big change in your
life. For many women, it may involve adjusting to a new home
environment, new routine and lifestyle, new challenges and
stressors, and a new life altogether.
- Before, during and after making the change, what's most important is that you pace yourself by taking one step at a time. Every single step is an accomplishment. You may also need time to heal, to regain your confidence and motivation.
To arrange for counselling, please call our Service Access Unit, Tel: 416.595.9618
